Outside My Door

February 6, 2010 by lifeisanadventure

(Disclaimer…the photos were taken through the finger smudged window, with not enough light, and with hands that weren’t quite awake…they’re the best I could do under the circumstances…)

For the past month Saturday has been my day to go exploring and photographing with a friend.  This morning I got up before I was really ready and for some reason decided to look out my door before getting all my “stuff” ready to go.

There…huddled near the fence and under the bird bath were California quail…on the standing feeder were house finches…scratching on the ground was a dark eyed junco and a house sparrow.

The nearest hanging finch feeder was busy with goldfinches (I still can’t tell the difference between American and Lesser goldfinches on a regular basis).

The cloth finch feeder in the trees was covered with goldfinches and house finches.

Apparently it felt a bit chilly out…I’ve never seen the quail so fluffed up…like balls of feathers.  I was thrilled to see the quail.  I haven’t seen any near my yard in quite some time.

I didn’t go exploring with my friend.  Neither she nor I like to drive on snowy roads.  It didn’t matter.  My morning guests were wonderful company and the falling snow was delightful beauty.

A perfect beginning to a lazy day.

Trying Photoshop

January 31, 2010 by lifeisanadventure

The Painted Hills were spectacular.  I took tons of photos but the lighting wasn’t the greatest and they didn’t convey the vibrancy that I saw while gazing out over the vast expanse.

So…I finally did what most digital photographers have been doing for quite some time…I experimented with Photoshop.

This is what I came up with.

This is what I started with.  What do you think?

Busy…Tired…Etc…

January 28, 2010 by lifeisanadventure

The title says it all…busy…working…swimming lessons…water exercise classes…sorting through boxes from years ago…one night of stomach cramping and no sleep…Saturdays  taking photos with a friend…walks across town with the kids during work…nothing more to add…or rather…no energy left to say more…

Maybe this week-end…

VICTORY

January 21, 2010 by lifeisanadventure

So much was stolen from me through a childhood of abuse…innocence, trust, confidence, the ability to feel emotions, the awareness of what my body was doing and feeling, safety, and the list could go on and on.  I have learned to compensate or learn or just let it go.

But tonight…I am celebrating a major victory.  Tonight in swimming class I relaxed!  I could actually feel what my body was doing!  I was comfortable breathing!  AND IT WAS FUN!  I enjoyed myself!  It felt unbelievably, wonderfully good!

Through the remainder of my lesson, through the following water exercise class, while sitting in the hot tub…for the rest of my time at the recreation center…I couldn’t keep from smiling!

I’m home now and although I don’t think I’ve ever had any I want champagne to celebrate.  It’s that big!  I’m finding myself in tears.  I was swimming!  And it was FUN!  I have won a major victory!

Erase…or…Embrace

January 20, 2010 by lifeisanadventure

The past….

It’s powerful.  It’s constantly poking itself into my present.  It’s irritating.  It’s painful.  It’s my reality.

As I struggle to overcome my feelings of panic and fear of not having enough air to breathe as I swim…

As I struggle to be aware of my own body and how it feels and how it moves…

As I struggle to trust others…

As I struggle to deal with anger at having to learn things at fifty-two years of age rather than having done so at the age appropriate time…like during childhood…

As I struggle to live with limitations because of health issues resulting from years of abuse and neglect…

Yet…this morning…I came upon this…

And I wondered…

Would I erase the past if by some miracle it was possible?

I thought about it…

And as always I realized that if I did I would never have known the amazing individuals my daughters are or have had the joy and wonder of watching them grow and mature into who they are today…nope…not willing to get rid of that…their arrivals into my life and the privilege to nurture and love them has been the most wonderfully miraculous gift I have ever received.

If I erased my past I wouldn’t have had to experience the horrendous pain and terror of my childhood…but would I have such a strong respect for life, all forms of life, if I hadn’t experienced so much death, destruction, and total disregard for life…nope…not willing to get rid of that…I constantly meet others who don’t have that…and I really like that about me.

If I erased my past I wouldn’t have had normal, healthy childhood experiences denied me or been punished when I actually acted as a child…but would I be able to savor the little joys of exploration and see the world with eyes of wonder and awe as I often do now as I work at healing from that deprivation of my childhood…nope…not willing to get rid of that…I constantly meet adults who can’t just sit and enjoy the path of a spider walking by or see the beauty of a single leaf falling to the ground or all those other details that children seem to naturally see and enjoy…I share that sense of wonder with the kids…and I really like that about me.

If I erased my past…I wouldn’t be me…

And although I struggle…and get angry…and have “issues” to work through…and have to deal with horrendous memories that surface unexpectedly…

I like who I am…a lot…

I think my phone needs another item on the menu…

“Embrace Past”

No News…Except For Robins

January 19, 2010 by lifeisanadventure

I have no new news.

I’m still taking swimming lessons and enjoying the water more and more.

These robins showed up this afternoon…the first time I’ve seen robins in my yard in a while.  They like the berries on the trees in the neighbors’ yards but today they decided to check out my bird bath.  They seemed extremely cautious…maybe they’re afraid of water…or perhaps the cat or kids.  Anyway…they all took lots of drinks and soon left the area.  Hopefully they’ll visit again tomorrow.

That’s it for excitement here.

Painted Hills…Again

January 16, 2010 by lifeisanadventure

I had a great time today exploring the Painted Hills a little more in-depth than I had last weekend.  In fact, I had such a great time I’m exhausted and therefore I’m headed to bed…

Good night, friends.

Update For Those Who Care To Know

January 13, 2010 by lifeisanadventure

Highlights for the first weeks of this new year…

1.  I had my first private swimming lesson yesterday.  I struggled to keep putting my face in the water and trying to work on the breathing but I did it!  I think it’s going to take a lot of practice.  Next lesson is tomorrow.  I’m looking forward to it even while being nervous.

2.  I’ve been doing hour-long water exercises classes with others at the rec. center…three last week and one so far this week.  I like that the classes are held in the deep end of the pool with the participants wearing flotation belts.  It’s helping me to feel comfortable in water without being able to feel the bottom beneath my feet.  I’m also starting to feel muscles that haven’t been worked in quite some time!  It’s a challenge to not overdo it and have my fibromyalgia act up.

3.  I’ve discovered unexpected bonuses to being a member at the rec. center!  It has a hot tub and steam room and using them regularly is making up for not having a bathtub to soak in when I’m achy and in pain.  The showers at the rec. center are big enough I can bend over to wash my legs, I can turn around in it without bumping the sides, and the shower head is high enough I don’t have to bend over to wash my hair.  These two things are almost reason enough to have a membership!

4.  I took a break from everything over Christmas vacation time, including the writing of my story.  It took me a few days after I got home but I’ve finally gotten back into the routine of writing every evening.

5.  I’ve actually done some cooking since Christmas vacation.  It’s easier to make wise food choices (for my health needs) when I’m doing that.  I hope to do even more in the following weeks.

6.  I put forth the effort to make plans and get out to go places this past weekend.  I enjoyed discovering new places and hope to continue to do so throughout the coming year.

7.  I’ve found someone who is willing to get out and work on photography with me.  I’m hoping that we can continue to do so.

8.  I’m continuing to get out and bird with whichever kids are here on Monday.  I’m also observing and enjoying the birds that come to my yard to eat at my feeders.

9.  Since I’m working, writing, birding, exercising, learning to swim, exploring new places, doing weekly photo shoots, and cooking I’m not managing to clean the bathroom or other rooms in the house.  I still haven’t unpacked everything and put it away since getting home from Seattle.

10.  Life is good!

Sunday Drive

January 10, 2010 by lifeisanadventure

When I sit down to write a blog entry I seldom know what I am going to write.  I choose some photos and then start.  Sometimes the post takes a totally different direction than I had anticipated.  Tonight I plan to merely share about my adventures and discoveries on a drive I took with my friend.  T has lived in the area for well over twenty years.  He is the one who usually decides where we go when we hit the road…after all I don’t know where anything is.

Today we headed east of town and then into the Ochoco Mountains.  The distant scenery was awesome.

So was the moss on the rocks.

In the distance we could see a thick bank of fog blanketing the valley.  We headed down and through it.

We turned towards the Painted Hills.  I had heard the name thrown around in the camera club meetings but I was mistakenly under the impression that they were in a different state.  I don’t know why but I did.

Instead they were a little less than two hours from home.

The fog was hanging straight and heavy just above the highest hills.

I have seen the Painted Desert in Arizona.

Even with the fog casting a misty, muted damper on the area, it was still just as beautiful.  I quickly snapped a few photos and then we headed to a nearby tiny town and ate a delicious lunch of hamburgers and onion rings.

After stuffing our faces we headed onward…and discovered these green, gray hills off the side of the road.

I wonder what mineral makes them green.

I was taking most of these photos out of the truck window…many as we were driving…but here’s a cropped, closer view of the “green hills” as I call them.

Next we passed this cute little school-house.  I sometimes think I would like a job teaching in some little one room school in the middle of nowhere with the trees and ditches and fields as a playground.

I don’t think this one is still in use as a school.

The road continued to curve and meander through the hills and valleys.

We got to a crossroads and T turned onto the road leading to some reservoir.  He had never traveled this road before and we weren’t sure where we’d come out.  But it was cleared of snow and paved.  We figured it had to lead to another main road eventually.  We stopped a rancher driving by with a huge bale of hay on his mud splattered truck and discovered it looped around to where we had come from.  That was fine by us since the jagged, moss-shrouded cliffs offered spectacular views.

The fog continued to linger in spots.  Here it was valiantly attempting to hide the distant mountain top.

We ended up on the road we had driven in on.  The sun was sinking slowly towards the horizon and the fog nestled in the valleys.

The road led us homeward through thick swirling fog.

A simple day…with simple pleasures…and awe inspiring scenery…perfect for a Sunday drive…

The Gift Of Juniper

January 9, 2010 by lifeisanadventure

I just started reading “The Search” by Tom Brown, Jr..  The author was raised by an Apache Indian from the age of eight.  He is known for his ability to track.  But in reading his story (I’ve read several other books by and about him) what I am drawn to is his deep love and respect for all of creation.  I am drawn to his connection and oneness with all that makes up our Earth Mother.  I would love to attend the survival school which he founded.

I have gone into nature and connected to plants.  I have felt their heartbeat…their soul.  But I am not trained in tracking.  I am not trained in truly seeing all there is to see.  I want to be able to read the land, the plants, the animals as he does.  But first I need to learn to “see” what there is to see.

I have connected in a very primal way to Junipers.  When I am around them, they reach out to me.  They speak in a very primal and ancient way to me…soul to soul…spirit to spirit.

Today I went to the Badlands just east of town with a fellow photographer.  I thoroughly enjoyed the companionship and conversation with her.  I enjoyed the beginning to get to know one another.

And I reconnected to Junipers.  I am drawn to the skeletal remains that lay scattered across the land amidst the living trees and sagebrush.  They speak to me of survival and hardship.  They speak of perseverance and tenacity.  They speak of beauty in the face of adversity.

They willingly share life-sustaining sustenance.   They share lessons of strength and amazing beauty.  They not only survive but bring vitality to the lava-covered desert.  And they are ancient…old and wise.  My prayer is to be open to the many lessons they offer.

Like the deer who left this track to collect this fallen wolf lichen, I yearn to wander among Junipers.  For today…for a few hours of time…I too called this treasured place home.

It felt good.  It felt right.

I thank you, Juniper.